Top Hat Logic

If y’all wanna know what friendship looks like, right here yo:

Editor: “Whoa, that’s a tight B section.”

Me, walking by her desk: “That’s inappropriate for work.”

Lawlz! All of the lawlz!

We touch down after a bit of a choppy landing, and he gets on the mic and says in a gravelly, non-chalant sorta way:

“Awwwwww yeeeeaaaaaaaah.”

I throw a foam stress ball and score a direct hit on Jordan’s stupid head.

Me: BOOM!

Jordan: *swivels around in his chair* Well done.

Jordan (mouthing across the newsroom): Fuck you.

Me (also mouthing): You’re a punk bitch

Jordan: *points toward the window* You wanna take this outside?

Me: *makes a chucking motion* I’ll throw you outside.

Jordan: You can’t cause you’re tiny *holds index finger and thumb close together*

Me: No, I can’t cause you’re fat *stretches arms outward so fingers meet up with hips*

Jordan: You’re tiny.

Me: You’re fat.

Jordan: You’re tiny.

Me: You’re fat.

This happens at least five more times

Me (out loud): God, we’re terrible.

This is how I like to end first dates, job interviews and interactions with humans in general.

Jordan just came up behind me while I was at my desk and whispered this in my ear:

Roses are red;

Violets are blue;

Blah blah blah blah;

Enjoy your prostitute tonight.

louisbritishshower:

I’m seriously going to print these out and give them out to strangers…

Nope, changed my mind; this one’s the best.

(Source: an-abundance-of-mishas)

J (to his girlfriend): You should see the dick pic I sent everybody.

A (male friend, interjecting): Yeah, J, keep your dick pics to yourself. And if you do send them, send one that actually shows the dick, and not just a ball sack. There’s nothing worse than just seeing a shriveled up ball sack. Me: What’s going on with this conversation? I need new friends.

Jordan and I were finishing up lunch in the break room and getting ready to plunge back into the newsroom and our super important work as reporters.

Jordan: I’m gonna go bother Eric (about the online layout of my big project on the Pinnacle Bank Arena that’s running on Sunday.)

Me: I’m gonna fart.

*Jordan shakes his head and leaves. I fart and then laugh for three minutes*

“Fuck you, you pedo bitch! I hope you swallow the ball cancer and die!!!!”